that is very nice of you. but i am afraid i am not very good company right now. i am sure that we could have better conversations when my chest isn't aching like this
i have noticed that whenever i find a friend in someone. one who i can relate to or someone who expresses a lot of care for me. support. they seem to disappear quite quickly. after caren, they have taken gil away. and asura. i cannot seem to bond well.
it is strange to realize i am truly not a very good human. or a witch.
[And somewhat later.]
i am well aware that this is strange to hear. after all, we are strangers.
[If Lio might find them, they're outside their apartment fussing over weeds.]
( it's not hard to miss what enkidu is saying, and lio feels his heart sink further. if things were lighter, he might point out that enkidu's not being a particularly good stranger either. strangers don't bring up an observation like that. no, if anything, it's almost like they want lio to intervene.
he can't respond. he's already up in the air as that second message is sent, and the bread is in tow. it doesn't take him long to see that green hair, a beacon in his eyes, and before long he slowly drifts to the ground in lazy spirals, landing nearby. )
I was just passing by. ( technically not a lie. ) And I just happened to have this with me.
( he holds out the bread, wrapped in a white cloth. )
[Enkidu finds themselves in a position where they don't want company and want company at the same time. They have learned that, whenever they find themselves in impossible situations, that it is nice to talk to someone, to have something to focus on. It isn't good to stew on these heavy thoughts, on how much they miss him.
So yes, maybe, in a way they hope Lio will find them. Especially now. Because the longer they find themselves hunched over a plant, the more empty they feel inside. And so it isn't really bad to hear his voice.]
Ah... [When Lio lands they get up.] ...it is odd we keep on meeting this way. Me losing a bonded and you being helpful. [Yes, it is somewhat of a joke, they try. When they see the bread they smile a little.] Should we eat it together?
I don't know what it's like to lose a bonded... yet. But I know what it's like to lose something very important.
( after all, he is no longer a burnish without his promare. he is a harpy, or at the very least human. whether that's a good or bad thing, lio's still not sure. the layer of instincts that came with those changes have been at best, annoying. at worst? uncomfortable. but spending time with others lessened negative thoughts. )
Sure. ( a beat, then: ) Whether you want to grab some plates or slice it or...
( heck, he wouldn't be offended if they just tore it apart and split it right here. he's not picky. )
It is odd...the one I have lost, has lost me first...a long time ago. And here I am, the one mourning him. I never knew I would experience something like this.
[The tone of their voice sounds puzzled. As if they ware trying to solve the biggest mystery in the world.]
We can tear pieces off of it. It is quite large. [Their voice is still soft and quite monotone.] Follow me. I will... [They gesture at a small apartment above a store.] ...that is where I live. I might have some beer left. Or some of Gil's wine.
[They lead Lio to a small livingroom. It is clean but full of plants. A small, white cat is sleeping on a chair and there's a small couch in the corner, close by the window.] Please sit down.
( enkidu sounds conflicted, but it also sounds like they're trying to figure it out. however lio can help them, he'll certainly try his best, but for someone who is one of the first heroes of humanity? lio's not sure how effective he can be.
either way, he nods as his eyes follow the gesture upward and then enkidu up and into the apartment. it's very different compared to his own living situation, but he likes it: the plants help to calm his nerves in general, and the cat seems... cute. smol. whether it likes him or not (or thinks he's food), he'll surely figure that out in time. )
Beer sounds fine. ( and as lio sits, his wings immediately fold behind him. )
[Enkidu makes their way to the tiny kitchen and starts to pour some beer into two mugs. They take their time while preparing everything.]
Plants are pleasant company. Even though I cannot hear their calls anymore, I can enjoy them as they grow and prosper. Gil used to live here as well. Now it is just me and his Master, Hakuno.
[He went back alone. He would have to make his travels alone. There is something sad about the idea of Gil being alone. Before sitting down they place the mugs on the table.]
Perhaps you can tell me a story about yourself. Except for your name and your generous nature I do not know much about you. [And perhaps it would make them aware of that spark of curiosity again.] Of course, if anything, I will exchange my story with you in return.
( for a moment, lio feels guilty. if enkidu could hear plants, then he would hate to hear what the plants from his world might think about him. he did his best to not burn down anything that lived, which included nature in general, but... sometimes it was unavoidable.
'we have to burn in order to live'. literally and metaphorically speaking. )
I can do that. ( lio closes his eyes, to think about what he can say and what he can't, only to realize that there isn't much he feels like he has to keep secret. )
I was born human, but not. A Burnish, a human with a fire inside of them.
( a symbiotic alien presence to be more precise, but that's. that's a lot. )
And that fire let us control fire. Some used it to terrorize others, but I didn't. What I wanted to do, before coming here, was take all the Burnish and relocate us to some place where we could never be seen or heard from again. To live peacefully far away from those who ostracized us simply for not being... like them.
[Enkidu lingers around the kitchen for a long time, listening to the other as he tells his story. They're looking at a small bottle of wine sitting there close to the sink. It is Gil's. And their shoulders slump a little at the sheer sight of it. As if he could still walk into the room any second.
Their dearest friend.
Before they might sink back into more sadness and melancholy they force themselves to turn and join Lio.]
Hmm that isn't a strange concept to me. Humans chasing away the humans who do not look and behave like them. It is strange, there are so many sorts of humans but still...they are all human. At times I wonder why it is difficult for them to embrace that fact. It would really deminish all the useless wars that has be fought.
[Humans and their hunger for battle, it is still something they cannot entirely grasp. Even as a divine weapon, even as a tool used in humanity's battles, it remains a mystery.]
I do understand it is a frustrating thing. To be a human but not accepted as a human. [A sigh.] For all the wonderful things humanity is capable of...they do know how to complicate some matters.
( he carefully takes the drink, raises it up to his lips, and with closed eyes takes a sip. it's a lot tastier than the beer he's had in the past--- then again, there's something to be said about having very poor quality drink while hiding in the desert. warm, too. not the best conditions for beer. but this is very nice. somehow he expected it to be better than he's had before. )
It's because they were afraid of us. They didn't have the power we had, so naturally they had to find their own kind of power.
( lio sighs into his drink, shaking his head. )
If maybe that damn governor didn't hate us so much. If maybe we weren't hated in general. The world would've been a better place from the start.
( another drink and he returns his gaze to enkidu, where he offers a smile--- a little dampened by his mood, but still a smile. )
You said you were humanity's oldest heroes. Does that mean you're... supposed to be my hero?
[Except for the monster traits Lio looks as if he could have been a normal human being. He has a pleasant face and it seems he has a kind heart as well. And a knack for walking in on them on rather depressing moments.]
Hmm, then you must be happy you are here. Away from fear and hate. [Not that this place is a really great place.] Not?
[Now...well, that is a good question. Would they be his hero? Or humanity's hero? Or only a hero to those who remember them. After all, Gilgamesh has always had a bigger part and they were nothing but a weapon. Yet, they are considered a hero. They have been praised for heroic deeds when they battled at Gil's side.
But Lio's hero?]
Ah... I do not know, to be fair... Would you want me to be?
( lio laughs. he's positive that enkidu isn't kidding; again, that feeling that now has gone beyond second nature... he can tell what is genuine and what isn't. malicious or not. while lio might not be as frightening as he once was, there must be some person out there who fears a harpy! )
I wouldn't say I'm happy. I have unfinished business. Fear and hate aside, I don't want him to slip away before I get a chance to punish him for all of his crimes.
( which ruffles his feathers.
but he has to think a little longer, taking another gulp of beer. )
Yeah. I would. You're a hero for a reason. Why wouldn't I? It doesn't matter... what kind of pain you've gone through recently. That doesn't take away from what you've done in the past, right?
But punishing for the crimes he has done...would that not have a negative effect on your wish to leave with the humans who are similar to you?
[Talking about another person's matters helps a little. Drinking beer helps as well.]
Or is it a revenge you wish to execute by yourself?
[And that answer...ah that is...kind. The look on their face seems to soften a little.]
Do you know of the story of my friend? He is called the King of Heroes, humanity's very first hero and his story is one of the oldest stories ever told. I am a mere being who has changed its path because of the strength of his will. But I liked to travel with him, to discover places we have never seen.
It is a shame you cannot meet Gil... Gil is...there might me a chance he would have liked you.
( lio frowns. enkidu isn't wrong; to kill the man who had been the source of not just his pain but his entire people's... it'd be against everything he's preached to the other burnish. killing only would exacerbate the fears that humans had of them. )
I would do it myself. No other way. Words would be wasted on a monster like him.
( but he's grateful for the switch in topic. the last thing he wants to talk about is kray foresight. the man leaves a taste in his mouth that not even this tasty beer can wash away quickly enough. )
It sounds like you had a lot of freedom. to accompany a king, to be able to adventure. I can't help but be a little jealous.
( to have a friend like that. lio thought he might have someone like that in his future, but not here. not now. )
Maybe. It might be a shame. But I've gotten to meet you. I think that counts for a lot.
You seem to have made up your mind. [They nod.] But I do not agree that words are wasted on monsters. Not all monsters are mindless beasts.
[Enkidu wants to muse about it a little bit more, at least, until Lio mentions feeling jealous. And that is...interesting. Despite the sadness that has settled inside of them there is a small spark. Now humans have never expressed to be jealous of them. That is...new and somewhat ridiculous.]
I wonder why you think that. I have never been on the receiving end of a human's envy. For a human to envy a mere tool, that is... [Enkidu frowns in thought.] ...If anything I should envy you. For having a soul that would always grow. I do not understand why you would envy me. But if it is adventures you lack...if my heart is healed we could go out and explore the Wilde. There are...a lot of plants I still wish to discover.
[That last sentence draws a joyless chuckle from their mouth.]
As I am now... That is truly kind of you... [Enkidu reaches out for the bread and breaks off a small bit.] I will return that sentiment then. It is good that I have met you as well.
( he huffs, though it comes out as a slightly muted laugh as well. yes--- maybe his word choice wasn't the best, but the monsters here are way better than what kray is. lio has yet to meet someone as selfish and maligned as him.
but he gazes at enkidu with a fondness that he reserves for those he finds to be amiable. they are thoughtful. it must come from how long they've existed, what they've experienced, and lio wants to soak it all in. when his life has been, up to this point, very fast? being able to reflect is... pleasant. it's nice. )
I don't know if we think of a soul as the same thing. ( his promare was a part of his, at one point. ) But I think as long as you have one, it does grow. Just maybe not in the same way you think.
( this, for example? would his soul not grow? despite the pain, doesn't something sprout? )
But I'd like that. I don't like traveling out there by myself.
( he also takes some bread, chews and swallows thoughtfully. it's probably the best loaf he's made yet, though it always seems to be missing something... )
That is an interesting thing to say. [In their mind they're dismissing it already, though. They know they have a soul and they know it's limited by what the gods have engraved into it. They still do not entirely dare to declare that they might've learned from their experiences here. The fondness they have felt for others or being thoroughly touched by their kindness and gestures. The selflessnes they show.] How would you define a soul?
[They focus their gaze onto the other's face while they shove a large chunk of bread in their mouth.]
Hmm… [More chewing.] ...mm... [even more chewing.] ...ah...but it isn't wise to travel alone. Unless you know the way. When many shades are lurking I try to use the trees. I know how to manipulate some matters with the magic I possess so I can make things easier to move forward. Unfortunately I do not possess the strength to deal with a lot of shades at once.
( it's what lio believes. 'interesting' is a word rarely used when something is considered to be... pertinent? relevant? feigning the interest that makes it part of said word. but he doesn't think that enkidu would be so flippant toward lio, knowing there is a kindness there. and that's why lio smiles politely and warmly before shrugging. )
It's who we are. Our soul always shows when we're at our best, at our worst, and everything in between. Even though I may not be Burnish anymore, it's still a part of me... the fire will always stay lit inside as long as I keep breathing.
( another drink, a grab of some bread, and lio nods. it sounds like enkidu is strong. )
No. I don't like traveling alone in the first place. I'm too used to doing things with others now. Having backup seems necessary when magic isn't always effective.
( and with his sword, the harpy knows he can be a formidable opponent. training against others has helped, and as long as he can improvise... )
So, we can go together. Worst case scenario? I can try carrying you out of danger.
[They nod firmly at that and smile a small, sad smile. They discovered that when Gil was still here. For a moment they seem to zone out, remembering their bond ceremony quite vividly. Truly, only Gil could effordlessly drag that part of them out.]
I agree to that. The core of your soul will never change.
[They still see a human soul as something more superior to their own. Something that isn't held back by inscriptions mad by old gods. Burnish or not, Lio will grow beyond that, yet Enkidu will always be a weapon.]
That is what I severely miss about Gil. He...knew that very well. [They pause yet again and the look on their face seems to grow sadder with every passing second. Their shoulders slump and they spend a long time gazing at the mug.]
I would like that. We can soar above the trees. I miss the wind. [Finally they sigh.] I miss a lot of things, so it seems,,,
( seeing enkidu struggle... emotions are hard. he knows. being tough in all situations, no matter how big or small, is what made him feel strong. having the power to reinforce those beliefs also gave him strength. but losing all of that hurt him greatly, and even now he's not sure what kind of direction he's going.
but right now, lio's positive about one thing. )
I'll do my best. ( he nods once. ) I can be your wings.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2020-07-02 12:00 am (UTC)Is there anything I can do? I could fly over some food or drink, offer my company if you need it.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-02 09:40 pm (UTC)that is very nice of you. but i am afraid i am not very good company right now. i am sure that we could have better conversations when my chest isn't aching like this
no subject
Date: 2020-07-03 03:14 am (UTC)( there's a fresh loaf of bread in the kitchen; he has to keep his hands busy, even with talons. )
Tell me: where can I find you, Enkidu? Please let me help you.
( if not, then he'll take to the sky. it shouldn't be hard to spot them, wherever they are. )
no subject
Date: 2020-07-03 04:49 pm (UTC)it is strange to realize i am truly not a very good human. or a witch.
[And somewhat later.]
i am well aware that this is strange to hear. after all, we are strangers.
[If Lio might find them, they're outside their apartment fussing over weeds.]
network -> action
Date: 2020-07-03 05:14 pm (UTC)he can't respond. he's already up in the air as that second message is sent, and the bread is in tow. it doesn't take him long to see that green hair, a beacon in his eyes, and before long he slowly drifts to the ground in lazy spirals, landing nearby. )
I was just passing by. ( technically not a lie. ) And I just happened to have this with me.
( he holds out the bread, wrapped in a white cloth. )
action
Date: 2020-07-06 08:26 pm (UTC)So yes, maybe, in a way they hope Lio will find them. Especially now. Because the longer they find themselves hunched over a plant, the more empty they feel inside. And so it isn't really bad to hear his voice.]
Ah... [When Lio lands they get up.] ...it is odd we keep on meeting this way. Me losing a bonded and you being helpful. [Yes, it is somewhat of a joke, they try. When they see the bread they smile a little.] Should we eat it together?
no subject
Date: 2020-07-07 05:20 pm (UTC)( after all, he is no longer a burnish without his promare. he is a harpy, or at the very least human. whether that's a good or bad thing, lio's still not sure. the layer of instincts that came with those changes have been at best, annoying. at worst? uncomfortable. but spending time with others lessened negative thoughts. )
Sure. ( a beat, then: ) Whether you want to grab some plates or slice it or...
( heck, he wouldn't be offended if they just tore it apart and split it right here. he's not picky. )
no subject
Date: 2020-07-07 06:35 pm (UTC)[The tone of their voice sounds puzzled. As if they ware trying to solve the biggest mystery in the world.]
We can tear pieces off of it. It is quite large. [Their voice is still soft and quite monotone.] Follow me. I will... [They gesture at a small apartment above a store.] ...that is where I live. I might have some beer left. Or some of Gil's wine.
[They lead Lio to a small livingroom. It is clean but full of plants. A small, white cat is sleeping on a chair and there's a small couch in the corner, close by the window.] Please sit down.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-08 04:19 pm (UTC)either way, he nods as his eyes follow the gesture upward and then enkidu up and into the apartment. it's very different compared to his own living situation, but he likes it: the plants help to calm his nerves in general, and the cat seems... cute. smol. whether it likes him or not (or thinks he's food), he'll surely figure that out in time. )
Beer sounds fine. ( and as lio sits, his wings immediately fold behind him. )
I like how green it is in here.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-11 08:15 pm (UTC)Plants are pleasant company. Even though I cannot hear their calls anymore, I can enjoy them as they grow and prosper. Gil used to live here as well. Now it is just me and his Master, Hakuno.
[He went back alone. He would have to make his travels alone. There is something sad about the idea of Gil being alone. Before sitting down they place the mugs on the table.]
Perhaps you can tell me a story about yourself. Except for your name and your generous nature I do not know much about you. [And perhaps it would make them aware of that spark of curiosity again.] Of course, if anything, I will exchange my story with you in return.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-12 03:43 pm (UTC)'we have to burn in order to live'. literally and metaphorically speaking. )
I can do that. ( lio closes his eyes, to think about what he can say and what he can't, only to realize that there isn't much he feels like he has to keep secret. )
I was born human, but not. A Burnish, a human with a fire inside of them.
( a symbiotic alien presence to be more precise, but that's. that's a lot. )
And that fire let us control fire. Some used it to terrorize others, but I didn't. What I wanted to do, before coming here, was take all the Burnish and relocate us to some place where we could never be seen or heard from again. To live peacefully far away from those who ostracized us simply for not being... like them.
( his wings flutter uncomfortably behind him. )
It hurt, because we were--- we are still human.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-16 11:45 am (UTC)Their dearest friend.
Before they might sink back into more sadness and melancholy they force themselves to turn and join Lio.]
Hmm that isn't a strange concept to me. Humans chasing away the humans who do not look and behave like them. It is strange, there are so many sorts of humans but still...they are all human. At times I wonder why it is difficult for them to embrace that fact. It would really deminish all the useless wars that has be fought.
[Humans and their hunger for battle, it is still something they cannot entirely grasp. Even as a divine weapon, even as a tool used in humanity's battles, it remains a mystery.]
I do understand it is a frustrating thing. To be a human but not accepted as a human. [A sigh.] For all the wonderful things humanity is capable of...they do know how to complicate some matters.
[They gesture at the beer.]
Please drink some.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-18 03:53 am (UTC)It's because they were afraid of us. They didn't have the power we had, so naturally they had to find their own kind of power.
( lio sighs into his drink, shaking his head. )
If maybe that damn governor didn't hate us so much. If maybe we weren't hated in general. The world would've been a better place from the start.
( another drink and he returns his gaze to enkidu, where he offers a smile--- a little dampened by his mood, but still a smile. )
You said you were humanity's oldest heroes. Does that mean you're... supposed to be my hero?
no subject
Date: 2020-07-20 01:23 pm (UTC)[Except for the monster traits Lio looks as if he could have been a normal human being. He has a pleasant face and it seems he has a kind heart as well. And a knack for walking in on them on rather depressing moments.]
Hmm, then you must be happy you are here. Away from fear and hate. [Not that this place is a really great place.] Not?
[Now...well, that is a good question. Would they be his hero? Or humanity's hero? Or only a hero to those who remember them. After all, Gilgamesh has always had a bigger part and they were nothing but a weapon. Yet, they are considered a hero. They have been praised for heroic deeds when they battled at Gil's side.
But Lio's hero?]
Ah... I do not know, to be fair... Would you want me to be?
no subject
Date: 2020-07-21 12:54 pm (UTC)I wouldn't say I'm happy. I have unfinished business. Fear and hate aside, I don't want him to slip away before I get a chance to punish him for all of his crimes.
( which ruffles his feathers.
but he has to think a little longer, taking another gulp of beer. )
Yeah. I would. You're a hero for a reason. Why wouldn't I? It doesn't matter... what kind of pain you've gone through recently. That doesn't take away from what you've done in the past, right?
no subject
Date: 2020-07-24 02:39 pm (UTC)[Talking about another person's matters helps a little. Drinking beer helps as well.]
Or is it a revenge you wish to execute by yourself?
[And that answer...ah that is...kind. The look on their face seems to soften a little.]
Do you know of the story of my friend? He is called the King of Heroes, humanity's very first hero and his story is one of the oldest stories ever told. I am a mere being who has changed its path because of the strength of his will. But I liked to travel with him, to discover places we have never seen.
It is a shame you cannot meet Gil... Gil is...there might me a chance he would have liked you.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-25 08:31 pm (UTC)I would do it myself. No other way. Words would be wasted on a monster like him.
( but he's grateful for the switch in topic. the last thing he wants to talk about is kray foresight. the man leaves a taste in his mouth that not even this tasty beer can wash away quickly enough. )
It sounds like you had a lot of freedom. to accompany a king, to be able to adventure. I can't help but be a little jealous.
( to have a friend like that. lio thought he might have someone like that in his future, but not here. not now. )
Maybe. It might be a shame. But I've gotten to meet you. I think that counts for a lot.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-28 06:00 pm (UTC)[Enkidu wants to muse about it a little bit more, at least, until Lio mentions feeling jealous. And that is...interesting. Despite the sadness that has settled inside of them there is a small spark. Now humans have never expressed to be jealous of them. That is...new and somewhat ridiculous.]
I wonder why you think that. I have never been on the receiving end of a human's envy. For a human to envy a mere tool, that is... [Enkidu frowns in thought.] ...If anything I should envy you. For having a soul that would always grow. I do not understand why you would envy me. But if it is adventures you lack...if my heart is healed we could go out and explore the Wilde. There are...a lot of plants I still wish to discover.
[That last sentence draws a joyless chuckle from their mouth.]
As I am now... That is truly kind of you... [Enkidu reaches out for the bread and breaks off a small bit.] I will return that sentiment then. It is good that I have met you as well.
no subject
Date: 2020-07-30 04:34 pm (UTC)but he gazes at enkidu with a fondness that he reserves for those he finds to be amiable. they are thoughtful. it must come from how long they've existed, what they've experienced, and lio wants to soak it all in. when his life has been, up to this point, very fast? being able to reflect is... pleasant. it's nice. )
I don't know if we think of a soul as the same thing. ( his promare was a part of his, at one point. ) But I think as long as you have one, it does grow. Just maybe not in the same way you think.
( this, for example? would his soul not grow? despite the pain, doesn't something sprout? )
But I'd like that. I don't like traveling out there by myself.
( he also takes some bread, chews and swallows thoughtfully. it's probably the best loaf he's made yet, though it always seems to be missing something... )
no subject
Date: 2020-08-10 09:48 am (UTC)[They focus their gaze onto the other's face while they shove a large chunk of bread in their mouth.]
Hmm… [More chewing.] ...mm... [even more chewing.] ...ah...but it isn't wise to travel alone. Unless you know the way. When many shades are lurking I try to use the trees. I know how to manipulate some matters with the magic I possess so I can make things easier to move forward. Unfortunately I do not possess the strength to deal with a lot of shades at once.
[How ironic.]
no subject
Date: 2020-08-12 04:04 am (UTC)It's who we are. Our soul always shows when we're at our best, at our worst, and everything in between. Even though I may not be Burnish anymore, it's still a part of me... the fire will always stay lit inside as long as I keep breathing.
( another drink, a grab of some bread, and lio nods. it sounds like enkidu is strong. )
No. I don't like traveling alone in the first place. I'm too used to doing things with others now. Having backup seems necessary when magic isn't always effective.
( and with his sword, the harpy knows he can be a formidable opponent. training against others has helped, and as long as he can improvise... )
So, we can go together. Worst case scenario? I can try carrying you out of danger.
no subject
Date: 2020-08-20 02:35 pm (UTC)I agree to that. The core of your soul will never change.
[They still see a human soul as something more superior to their own. Something that isn't held back by inscriptions mad by old gods. Burnish or not, Lio will grow beyond that, yet Enkidu will always be a weapon.]
That is what I severely miss about Gil. He...knew that very well. [They pause yet again and the look on their face seems to grow sadder with every passing second. Their shoulders slump and they spend a long time gazing at the mug.]
I would like that. We can soar above the trees. I miss the wind. [Finally they sigh.] I miss a lot of things, so it seems,,,
no subject
Date: 2020-08-23 06:17 am (UTC)but right now, lio's positive about one thing. )
I'll do my best. ( he nods once. ) I can be your wings.